Bloggers often write a post at the beginning of the year stating their goals for the year. I decided that I wanted to write a post to reflect on 2019, but share my intentions for 2020.
If you are interested in reading a raw and honest post then continue on.
2019 was filled with amazing adventures and memories. From studying abroad to an amazing internship, I learned so much about myself and other people in my life. I am wrapping up my career as a full-time student, which creates some nerves but also excitement. So what’s next? 2020, where will this year take me? Or the golden question… What is my new years resolution?
When I rang in the new year with my family at our cottage in Wisconsin. I had a bittersweet feeling when the clock struck midnight. I had just completed a holiday season single. I felt this sadness like there was possibly something wrong with me. I have experienced great love before, but ultimately it was not meant to be. There was a job I was excited about that I did not get, and I felt this impending anxiety as the year came to an end. During the holidays, I spent some time feeling my emotions and processing the true meaning behind them. It was then that I found my “new years resolution.” I put that phrase in quotes because it is more a mindset change. My new year’s resolution is to love myself.
I would describe myself as a generous and loving person. I care deeply for the people in my life and frequently I try to express my appreciation for them. However, I do not give any of this love to myself. When I think of my body I think unhealthy and mean thoughts. When I think of my academic capabilities there is so much doubt. When I think of my future I have these lofty goals but don’t fully think I could achieve them. My family and I were sitting around a fireplace exchanging childhood stories with my Papa when I started to tear up. I was surrounded by the people I loved most but felt like something was missing.
Loving myself, what does that mean? It feels foreign to say the words “I love myself,” but that is what I am saying. That means stopping myself when I use self deprecating humor. It means when someone tells me a compliment saying “thank you I appreciate that” instead of “no, stop it.” It means taking chances because I believe in myself. It means reading and comprehending those self-help books that I frequently purchase. It means talking about the bad days but also about the good days. It means saying I am proud of myself. It means recognizing that I have so much to bring to the table of life.
Here is what Anna Falk brings to the table:
- I am loyal.
- I am funny 70% of the time.
- I ask tons of questions.
- I love to talk (literally about anything).
- I put out a positive vibe.
- I sing anywhere and everywhere.
- I am smart.
- I am generous.
- I have a genuine smile.
- I love dogs and most furry animals.
I do not write these things to boast. I am learning to acknowledge my own self worth just as everyone should. This year and so on, I am on the journey to LOVING the person that I am. I think it is important to say that I do not have consistent negative thoughts. Sometimes I put on a good outfit and think “damn girl you are blessing people’s eyes today,” but I want to improve my overall attitude towards myself. I am still an upbeat and happy person, but I want to feel that happiness towards myself too.
This post is difficult for me to share, but I know I am not alone in these thoughts. So often we conceal shame or bad thoughts, but how can other people in our life help us on our journey if they are in the dark? I am thankful for the love I receive from my family and close friends. I am using their love as the launchpad to self-love.
Self-love is amongst other goals I have for the year. I hope to challenge myself creatively to create interesting content. I want to execute some of the fun ideas that run through my head. OBVIOUSLY I want to get healthy and work out more just like every other person on the planet.
These goals might not be unique but they are mine. I am taking each one step by step to establish healthy habits. So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. I am excited to start this journey.
Thank you for reading